John Kelso is an outspoken columnist who writes for the Austin American Statesman. One thing you can count on him for is a chuckle.
COMMENTARY: John Kelso
You say Obama is a Muslim? I'll call you a 3-watt bulb
In fact, in my Arab suit, some Texans might think I'm Barack Obama.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Do me a big swingin' favor. If you're one of the 23 percent of Texans who said Barack Obama is a Muslim in that poll, move to, say, Pennsylvania.
You're making this state look stupid.
A statewide survey of Texans done by University of Texas political scientists found that 23 percent of those polled thought the Democratic presidential candidate is a Muslim. The sample was 600 folks. The more education the respondents had, the less likely they were to think Obama is a Muslim.
I wonder how that 23 percent figure compares with the number of Texans who believe in the-moon-is-made-of-green-cheese thing, or the myth about the hairy palms.
This is unfortunate. We're starting to make Mississippi look smart.
Now, I don't sit up nights worrying about people in other states thinking people in Texas are uneducated dolts. I have been around the world enough to know we don't have a monopoly on numskulls. But when the national polls show that 5 to 10 percent of Americans think Obama is a Muslim, and we're at 23 percent in Texas, tell me this much: How does this boost tourism?
On Friday, for Halloween, I wore my Arab suit to work. I bought this outfit in the early '80s for $20 while drinking beer on the Colorado River with an oil field worker who had just gotten back from Kuwait. On the occasional Halloween, I drag it out to save a few bucks on a rental.
I wonder what percentage of Texans would believe, if they saw me in the suit, that I am Barack Obama? Check out the photo on Page B5. As you can clearly see from the picture, I am Barack Obama.
If you don't believe me, ask that woman John McCain had to grab the microphone away from at the rally, after she said she was worried that Obama is an Arab.
Obama's a Muslim, and I'm a Balinese supermodel. I can understand getting confused, though. As many doors as Obama's been banging on to get elected, I'm surprised 23 percent of Texans don't think Obama is a Jehovah's Witness.
To tell you the truth, I don't really trust this poll completely. Sure, 23 percent of the Texans polled probably said Barack Obama is a Muslim. I just don't think 23 percent of them really believe it. I figure maybe two-thirds of the Texans who are saying that are just saying it because they figure it's an insult. My theory: They don't like Obama, so they figure a way to goon him is to say he's a Muslim. Like there's something wrong with somebody automatically because of his religion.
On the other hand, I'm wondering now what percentage of Texans believe in the correlation between stepping on a sidewalk crack and breaking your mother's back. It's probably pretty high.
John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays.
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