Below is the obituary that appeared in the newspaper. My brother wrote a very good piece on mom on his blog which you can find by clicking onto the link to his blog BlueOllie  and scrolling down to the story.  There is a 15 year age difference between my brother and me so our memories of our mom were from different eras. One thing that is a constant is the fact that she loved each one of us very much.

 

Nellie Barrientes Nanyes

1926 - 2014 | Obituary |  Condolences

NANYES, Nellie Barrientes

Nellie Barrientes Nanyes died Wednesday, May 21, 2014, at the age of 87, at home, with her family by her side in Austin, Texas.

Nellie was brought into this world by Antonio and Rosa Barrientes on December 25, 1926, in Round Rock, Texas.

Nellie spent her early years in Austin where she attended Zavala school and worked at St. Edwards University, the White House, Levines and Solo's on Sixth St.

Nellie married Ollie Nanyes, II, in September 1943, and they shared sixty years of marriage together. They traveled the world during Ollie's tour in the United States Air Force. After Ollie's retirement, Nellie earned her GED at the ripe age of 52 and worked at the IRS for twenty-two years spending her vacation time traveling with her husband to places like Europe, China, and Russia, often taking their daughter, Rose.

Nellie was blessed with creativity that shined through in her cooking, sewing and ability to fix and make anything. She loved her home and liked to garden. She also enjoyed dancing, and volunteering at the Southside Senior Citizens Center. While she took pleasure in watching and attending Longhorn and Notre Dame football games with her husband and son, she absolutely loved going to the Lady Longhorn basketball games.

Nellie's family includes her two children, Rose "Doty" Carr, of Austin, and Ollie "Leto" Nanyes, III, of Illinois.

Nellie is survived by her daughter, Rose and son-in-law, Ed; son, Ollie and daughter-in-law, Barbara; 5 grandchildren, Frank "Ponch", Pam, Cyndi, Evie, and Olivia, 3 great-grandchildren, Krystal, Derick and Lauren.

Nellie was preceded in death by her husband, Ollie Nanyes II; her mom and dad, Rosa and Antonio Barrientes, her brothers; Anthony, Jessie and Joe, her sister Mary Lou, and her grandson, William Oliver (Gerber).

A special thanks to Nurse Mary and Mark the Aide, from Hospice Compassus for their tender and loving care in our time of need.

Visitation will be held from 6:00 p.m.- 8:00 p.m. on Monday, May 26, 2014 at Weed-Corley-Fish Funeral Home, 2620 South Congress Avenue. Funeral Service 10:00 a.m. on Tuesday, May 27, 2014 at Funeral Home Chapel. Interment 9:45 a.m. on Wednesday, May 28, 2014 at Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery, San Antonio, Texas.

Memorials and guestbook online at www.wcfish.com

Published in Austin American-Statesman from May 25 to May 26, 2014

- See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/statesman/obituary.aspx?n=nellie-barrientes-nanyes&pid=171123629&fhid=19499#sthash.JypuFcjV.dpuf

Loss of our beloved Mother

Nellie Barrientes Nanyes

December 25, 1926-May 21, 2014

Rest in Peace

               On May 21, 2014 at the age of 87 our beautiful mother Nellie B. Nanyes slipped quietly away. I chose this picture taken in December 2004 because she looked so happy and full of life. I'm to raw right now to write anymore but I will tell you more about her in the coming weeks or months.

Mussings during the last days of December 2013

Our mom turned 87 in December but we lost the essence of who she was about four years ago.She started repeating things over and over and forgetting where her beauty shop was and small things like that. Then she'd forget a name and could not recognize people that she did not see often. Then June 30, 2012 she did not know who I was and that hurt, a lot.   Now she often does not know who we are but she forgets who she is and does not recognize herself in the mirror or in pictures.  Reality for her has become what she imagines in her head. More than once she has gotten up in the morning and looked for her husband (our dad died almost ten years ago) and she told me her brother was coming to get her; he too has died, many years go. My family and I have learned just to accept and not try and  understand her world because if you try to help her or correct the facts for her she just gets angry and upset. Sometimes in a violent way.   So we listen and do what we can to help her maintain some sense of dignity.
Some find her dementia a bit amusing, I know, because her mental connections (or lack of them) can at times become decidedly different from reality. But her confusion and worry are real to her, as is her pain, and there is nothing comical about that. On some level, I know she knows something is wrong with her though she cannot articulate it. Her increasingly frequent paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, however, say all that needs to be said. She may have dementia but she has not lost her capacity to feel or fear. No amount of empathy from me can fill the deep hole that has opened in her life, and in her despair she is perhaps most connected to the reality that is here and the reality that awaits her.
I know I am not alone in facing both the helplessness I feel in trying to be of some aid to her and in the guilt that comes with the fact I do not -- perhaps cannot -- do more. Many caretakers and loved ones have it far worse than I do, because I can still talk to her -- though what transpires on a daily basis is more a monologue in which I listen to what she is saying and she ignores whatever I say.
The number of people, some young but mostly elderly, with dementia will rise dramatically as the population ages. This may be my future as well,  should I be fortunate enough to live a long life. At the same time, our ability to fight this disease and give those afflicted some additional years of mental capacity and a good quality of life is sorely lacking. Sadly, at this time no cure exists.
I know, most likely in the not too distant future, my mother will be gone in body as she now is in mind. Dementia will not only continue to overtake her but will, the medical professionals tell me, diminish both her will and capacity to live. I hang on to the thought during the twilight of her life that this is the natural course of things just as I realize that she has lived a long and full life. In that sense losing her carries nothing of the tragedy of those killed in wars or horrid events such as the many school shootings we have had that cut young promising lives short But that does not mean that losing her will come without pain. Amidst the sorrow, we will find ways to let her go and celebrate her life.

October Thoughts

Grrrr...stupid Google always has the dumb pop up ads (that are supposed to be blocked) wanting you to upgrade to Google+ I don't want to do that, so I won't
It's October already and for once we have chilly windy weather here in Austin. Yeah! We've had some nice rain too. Double Yeah! Not drought busting rain but enough rain to turn things green again.
Our mom has been having ups and downs and therefore so have we as her dementia worsens. Yesterday she was on a tear of epic proportions and we did what we could to stay out of her way. She didn't like any of us, would not take her meds, and kept rattling the screened front door and yelling for the police that we were keeping her prisoner. Sigh. Frank finally managed to talk her into taking a lorazapam. He did this by being tricky. She wanted to go out back and sit on the patio. He said he would unlock the door and go sit outside with her if she took her pills. After 15 minutes or so of back and forth wrangling she finally took one. She bad mouthed me while they were outside and gradually the meds took hold and she was back to herself and I was  her 'sweet girl' again. Last night she called me into her room. She had wrapped up her poop and kind of smeared some around on the commode so I had to go in and clean it up. Good thing I have gloves and lots of disinfectant wipes and sprays. So that was two of my yesterdays, how was yours?
Today it's been okay and we're hoping it stays that way. The lady we hired from Professional Caretakers has not come in this morning nor has she called. I wonder if mom scared her off last Saturday because she was kind of wild for half of the morning. Speaking of wild, my mom just came in and told me that some women were in her room taking everything. Sigh. Of course there are not any women in her room but I went and looked and told them to get out and then my mom went to the living room and laid on the couch, still talking about them. Hope that's as bad as it gets today.
On a happy note. Krystal starts a new Internship with the Texas Observer on Tuesday. She's looking forward to it. It pays a bit but the important thing is the experience she will get out of working there. Also the Longhorns beat the Sooners in last Saturdays Red River Rivalry! Yippee!

Summer, blech

August is moving along quickly and soon school will start again and another year will be history. As a kid my memories are of long and lazy summers and even long not so lazy school years. Now the days whiz by as I hurtle towards the inevitable that we all must face. Guess time is relative.
On a personal note I've just be diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and have to undergo a couple of tests next week and start on some anti-thyroid medication after that. This is sort of a good thing because it explains a lot of the symptoms that I've been having. The hard part is that hyperthyroidism is hard to control so they usually get you hypothyroid because that is easier to treat. Ah well like they say it's always something.
On the mom front things are still spiraling down. She's having more bad times and not remembering things she did remember only a month ago like her son. She brought me his picture and asked me who he was and when I told her who he was she said he wasn't her son but her brother.  I think pictures confuse her because she does not even recognize herself in them. She doesn't recognize us a lot of the time either and this occurs mostly between the hours of 1 and 7, or the witching hours as I call them. There have also been times when she will not take her medication and locks her door because she says people are out to kill her. We have a key to the door so the door locking is not worrisome. Also she has had a couple of times where she was really out of control cursing me and actually taking a swing at me.  One thing I did find out by trial and error was not to give her anything chocolate with her medications. It really causes her to freak out. This wouldn't have a been a problem years ago because she never used to like chocolate but now she likes anything sweet including chocolate. Pam told us that as we age we start to lose our taste buds with sweet ones some of the last to go so that is one reason elderly people like sweets and why things like spicy foods don't register. Back to my point of not mixing chocolate with medications like anti-psychotics. We think it affects her that way because of the serotonin in chocolate that affects moods mixing with the medications that also do the same thing. It may be it overloads the system. So we do not do that anymore. I'm going to make an appointment with her doctor and go talk to him as her advocate and discuss her medications and any other treatment options available. We only need to take her in to see him when she needs a physical exam or lab tests. Also home health can come out and help evaluate her. And no, she still does not want any comfort care people to be here. I live to hope this will change.
So that's our summer so far. Hope yours is better.

LITTLE REST LAST NIGHT

Well it was a bumpy night . Mom never did get to sleep. I dozed off and on relying on the baby monitor to alert me if she left her room. She came out of her room a little after 5AM and Frank got up and made her some toast and gave her some orange juice. She went back to her room and came out again a little after seven. All the while even in my stupor, I could hear her talking. Frank made her some oatmeal and she went back to bed but I can hear her still talking and walking around her room. I pray that she surely will have to crash soon.  It is my opinion, based on my experiences in taking care of her that she is 'cycling'. It is a condition that happens every six to seven days that results in extreme erratic behavior. After the behavior ends she crashes into a deep sleep for many hours and when she wakes she is back to her normal self, or what counts for normal given her severe cognitive decline.

Late Night Ramblings

It's 11:30am. I went to sleep about 10 but then was awakened by my mom walking down the hallway. I got up and found her in the kitchen. She was looking for "Homer", an old boyfriend she used to see after our dad died. Homer has since died and I guess he's easier to remember than our dad is since he died 2 years ago and our dad died 9 years ago. Anyway, I got her back into bed and about 15 minutes later she got up again and said her mother was bringing her something and wanted to sit on the porch and wait for her.  Her mother died about 66 years ago. I got her into bed again. Hopefully she'll stay in bed this time and fall asleep and I can get some sleep too. I'll say it again, I wouldn't wish dementia/alz on anyone. It's horrible. I hope other care givers all over the world can get some sleep tonight to face another day in purgatory. There are bright moments to be sure but they are few and far between since her disease has progressed. She was such an independent, regal, smart, tireless and optimistic person that it's heartbreaking to see her deteriorate. Sometimes I pray for her release and then feel bad for doing so. Thank goodness for my husband who helps me get through each day and also our children and grand children who offer the support they can. Friends too, like Elaine. They all are angels and I couldn't do this without them. The posting says I posted this at 9 something pm, I wonder if the blogpost server is on west coast time? Cause it's almost midnight my time.