October Thoughts

Grrrr...stupid Google always has the dumb pop up ads (that are supposed to be blocked) wanting you to upgrade to Google+ I don't want to do that, so I won't
It's October already and for once we have chilly windy weather here in Austin. Yeah! We've had some nice rain too. Double Yeah! Not drought busting rain but enough rain to turn things green again.
Our mom has been having ups and downs and therefore so have we as her dementia worsens. Yesterday she was on a tear of epic proportions and we did what we could to stay out of her way. She didn't like any of us, would not take her meds, and kept rattling the screened front door and yelling for the police that we were keeping her prisoner. Sigh. Frank finally managed to talk her into taking a lorazapam. He did this by being tricky. She wanted to go out back and sit on the patio. He said he would unlock the door and go sit outside with her if she took her pills. After 15 minutes or so of back and forth wrangling she finally took one. She bad mouthed me while they were outside and gradually the meds took hold and she was back to herself and I was  her 'sweet girl' again. Last night she called me into her room. She had wrapped up her poop and kind of smeared some around on the commode so I had to go in and clean it up. Good thing I have gloves and lots of disinfectant wipes and sprays. So that was two of my yesterdays, how was yours?
Today it's been okay and we're hoping it stays that way. The lady we hired from Professional Caretakers has not come in this morning nor has she called. I wonder if mom scared her off last Saturday because she was kind of wild for half of the morning. Speaking of wild, my mom just came in and told me that some women were in her room taking everything. Sigh. Of course there are not any women in her room but I went and looked and told them to get out and then my mom went to the living room and laid on the couch, still talking about them. Hope that's as bad as it gets today.
On a happy note. Krystal starts a new Internship with the Texas Observer on Tuesday. She's looking forward to it. It pays a bit but the important thing is the experience she will get out of working there. Also the Longhorns beat the Sooners in last Saturdays Red River Rivalry! Yippee!

LITTLE REST LAST NIGHT

Well it was a bumpy night . Mom never did get to sleep. I dozed off and on relying on the baby monitor to alert me if she left her room. She came out of her room a little after 5AM and Frank got up and made her some toast and gave her some orange juice. She went back to her room and came out again a little after seven. All the while even in my stupor, I could hear her talking. Frank made her some oatmeal and she went back to bed but I can hear her still talking and walking around her room. I pray that she surely will have to crash soon.  It is my opinion, based on my experiences in taking care of her that she is 'cycling'. It is a condition that happens every six to seven days that results in extreme erratic behavior. After the behavior ends she crashes into a deep sleep for many hours and when she wakes she is back to her normal self, or what counts for normal given her severe cognitive decline.

Late Night Ramblings

It's 11:30am. I went to sleep about 10 but then was awakened by my mom walking down the hallway. I got up and found her in the kitchen. She was looking for "Homer", an old boyfriend she used to see after our dad died. Homer has since died and I guess he's easier to remember than our dad is since he died 2 years ago and our dad died 9 years ago. Anyway, I got her back into bed and about 15 minutes later she got up again and said her mother was bringing her something and wanted to sit on the porch and wait for her.  Her mother died about 66 years ago. I got her into bed again. Hopefully she'll stay in bed this time and fall asleep and I can get some sleep too. I'll say it again, I wouldn't wish dementia/alz on anyone. It's horrible. I hope other care givers all over the world can get some sleep tonight to face another day in purgatory. There are bright moments to be sure but they are few and far between since her disease has progressed. She was such an independent, regal, smart, tireless and optimistic person that it's heartbreaking to see her deteriorate. Sometimes I pray for her release and then feel bad for doing so. Thank goodness for my husband who helps me get through each day and also our children and grand children who offer the support they can. Friends too, like Elaine. They all are angels and I couldn't do this without them. The posting says I posted this at 9 something pm, I wonder if the blogpost server is on west coast time? Cause it's almost midnight my time.

Time flies even when you are not having fun

Geez whatever I thought of posting has fled my mind. Guess it might be because my husband and I got to go out and eat at the Olive Garden, alone, and had a nice time. Our daughter Cyndi came by to sit with my mom and we thank her for that. Also got a break last weekend when our eldest daughter Pam came down and we got to scoot out of the house for a couple of hours to shop. It was nice.
Mom's skilled nursing is over as her orthostatic hypotension is now under control. A speech therapist came by on Friday, not to assess her speech, but to evaluate her swallowing. Mom coughs when she drinks any kind of liquids and it seems you use the same muscles to swallow that you do to talk, or something like that. Anyhow she put sent her report to her doctor and they will come and do an x-ray of her swallowing here at the house! Who knew they could do that? Not us for sure. It's better to have medical people come to the house because it is easier on my mom. We took her to the doctor this past Monday and aside from her having low potassium she was doing as well as can be expected. So I'm giving her liquid potassium once a day for three weeks and then they will repeat the test. My days are filled with care giving, doctor visits, health care nurses (now over) and the like. At least I know what is happening to my mom and she's not scared and alone in a strange place. Sometimes she doesn't think she lives here and thinks I'm someone else and I shudder to think what she would do in an unknown environment. End of life care especially when complicated by dementia of the Alzheimer's type is very hard but I draw strength from my family and that certainly helps. One thing I sorely wish for is for mom to let us bring in a paid home health care aide but I don't see it happening anytime soon. She barely let the nurse in the house and sometimes she had to see her out on the patio.
One day while helping to prepare dinner I had left mom on the patio and checked on her every fifteen minutes or so. Well while I was getting pans out from the cupboard we heard a knock on the door and it was a lady that said there was an elderly woman tyring to flag down cars (thankfully from inside the fence that had a locked gate). She told the lady she had been kidnapped and that we were going to kill her. Thank goodness the lady in question said she had gone through something similar with her dad and knew what was happening. So mom has to be watched much closer than I thought. Oh well you do what has to be done.
So kudos to all you caregivers out there. It's a tough job but one I think is doable. Just give yourself a break now and then, easier said than done, but something that is needed.
On a more upbeat note Frank's brother Richard came by for a nice visit and the two bros got to chat and chat for hours. It was fun having him here and listening to their stories. I know it did a world of good for Frank. I'll post a picture or two later on.

A Quite Saturday Morning

I found this question on site I visit quite often agingcare.com. This question could have been asked by me with just a change in the wording  from 'father' to 'mother'. The answer gave me some insight, so I hope it might help others deal with someone suffering from dementia too.
The past week has had it's ups and downs. Yesterday was going pretty well until my mom started yelling and scurrying down the hall that a 'lady' had told her to come out into the hall so she could tell her that she was going to be arrested so she could get her house. Somehow the thought of losing her home weighs large inside my mom's mind and she comes out with different scenarios about people trying to take it away from her. We do our best to reassure her that all is well and most times we can calm her. All I can think is that at times it must be hell inside her mind. The 'long goodbye' is indeed a cruel disease. I hate it.
The lines marked in red are what we identify with the most in the article.
Q: It hurts to see my father with Alzheimer's deteriorating before my eyes. How can I accept the decline?
A: Many people who have experienced a loved one's dementia have said that given the choice, they'd rather deal with almost any other ailment, no matter how painful or debilitating. There's little we can do to fix the deterioration of memory, communication skills, and reasoning that dementia steals away. Few experiences are as frustrating as watching a once-vibrant person deteriorate into a confused stranger. It's not fair, it's not right, and it's hard to accept gracefully.
Try to remain calm. Pain and helplessness breed anger, and anger about the situation may spill over onto the person. Answering the same question 20 times in one afternoon or hearing your loved one recite a skewed account of events for the hundredth time can make you want to scream, but losing your cool helps nobody. Remind yourself that your father did not develop dementia to annoy you: He's not doing it on purpose, and he can't help it. And it isn't your fault, either. It just happened.
So change the subject. Suggest that you go out on the patio together and look at the flowers. If all else fails take a break, and do something that will help you regain control. Take a walk or grab a cup of tea. Call a friend. If you can keep your wits about you, remain in control, and take care of yourself, you'll be more "present" (and pleasant) for him, and you'll both benefit.

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Robert Bornstein, PhD, is Professor of psychology at Adelphi University, and co-authored "When Someone You Love Needs Nursing Home, Assisted Living or In-Home Care."

Regarding the horrific events in Aurora, CO. All I can say is that our hearts go out to the families of the victims.

3 or 4 more weeks

Yesterday was busy. Took my mom to the dentist where they fixed a broken tooth of hers the best they could (and it was expensive) but they could not crown it because she can't take the amount of water and saliva that happens when they are drilling and doing tortuous stuff like that. Her swallowing reflex is delayed and she chokes really bad if a lot of water is used.So they roughed up what remained of the tooth and built on it with a resin compound. It's weak and may break at which time they will only have one solution for it and that is to pull it.  She did well for most of the visit but was really tired when we left. She didn't sleep though. She sat out on the patio and listened to music. We had hoped that the new med she got which looked promising was all that we had hoped for. Alas she had an auditory hallucination and that was upsetting, for her and for us. As long as the delusions and hallucinations are not scary we won't worry about it. We thought maybe the stress of the dental visit got to her and we're hopeful that things will settle down for her.
Later in the day I went to my doctor and he decided to put me on one more round of prednisone and gabapentin. I improved (in his opinion about 40-50 percent since my last visit) and they took x-rays and didn't see anything but some arthritis around the neck area. If I don't get back to 100 percent after this an MRI is in my future because then they will want to know if I just have a bulging disc or a ruptured disc. My arm still hurts (but not crying hurt) and tingles like you would if you hit your funny bone. This feeling is from shoulder to fingers with the fingers still being numb. This makes me cranky so I try not to let anyone suffer for it. Wish me luck!
It's hot here and the air conditioner is on. I hate summer and oh yes, I hate my pinched nerve!!!