ALZ Progressing

My mom as beautiful as ever. We went to Gillis Park on Sunday just for a little outing and she seemed to enjoy it. Alas, after we got home she thought we were some place else and she said her husband was coming to take her home and she sat and waited by the kitchen window for this to happen. For those of you who don't know, her husband, our father, died 9 years ago. Heart breaking isn't it? Needless to say it took some cajoling and just out right lying on our part for us to bring her back to a place where she allowed me to escort her to her room to lay down and rest. ALZ is a ruthless enemy and sadly, at least for now, an enemy that cannot be defeated.  The little brace on her arm is to help with a form of tendinitis that has been bothering her. A home health therapist comes in twice a week to help diminish the pain from the inflamed tendons at the base of her thumb and arm.

Updating in April

 

Derick dressed for work. He's sharp. :-)

Frank working out with the walker. He's doing well, the next appointment with his surgeon is in May.







Thoughts, prayers, good vibes go out to the people of Boston, Mass. and West, Tx. Both tragic events. Kudos to the police and to the brave first responders and volunteers at the Boston Marathon and to the agencies that caught the culprits so quickly. Also heartfelt thanks to the volunteer firemen who lost their lives in West and the young officer at MIT who lost his life responding to a call.  To all who raced in to help, thank you.


The following information contains excerpts from care giving sites. There are many of them out there, some too commercial, some just places for venting, and some that provide great information and also helpful tips and comfort from other care givers. I've adjusted the talking points with facts that fit my situation. The quoted sections are answers I've found. The info I did not find pertinent I left out.

1: I find myself correcting information my Mom gets wrong even though I know she gets facts confused because of her Alzheimer's. Arguing is counterproductive and  oft times just becomes upsetting to her and to me.  Experts say I should agree with her statements no matter how outlandish they seem. This is difficult but I've been trying to do this and misdirect her instead of correcting her.

"Admittedly it's hard to listen to people you once admired for their wisdom make bizarre statements, so your reflex reaction is to correct them. Also, you may feel that "lying" to your parent or spouse is wrong. You may even feel that agreeing with them when they are wrong is condescending.
It's important for you to change your thought process. Accept the wisdom of those who've studied the disease. They will tell you that when you validate your loved one, you are showing compassion. Conversely, arguing only increases the person's agitation and decreases their self-esteem. Your loved one with Alzheimer's disease is living in a reality that is different than yours, but just as real to him or her. You are the well person, so it's up to you to try to share your loved one's reality. When you adapt to this way of thinking, life will be easier for both of you. (Read: 10 Tips for Talking to Someone With Alzheimer's)"

2: Sometimes I'm angry with family members and the few friends she has  because they won't make any attempt to see Mom. It's true that she often doesn't recognize them and forgets they have even been here, but I feel they should try to visit anyway. I don't understand how people almost always make time to attend a funeral for their friends and 'loved ones' but don't find the time to visit or call them. Flowers and words of comfort and love are for the living since the dead can no longer hear or benefit from them.

"As unfair as it seems, there are many reasons why they don't visit. Try to understand why they don't  feel their visits are meaningful. To visit someone who doesn't remember who they are and will forget their visit as soon as they walk out the door seems like a waste of time.
Then suggest that they visit whenever they can for their own sake. Let them know that you understand that it's hard for them and it may seem like a lost cause. Offer them the perspective that they will  probably feel better emotionally after she is gone because they know that they did make an effort to visit and comfort her while it was still possible." 

3: I've so happy when Mom is content that I feel hope she will recover even though  her doctor and the visiting workers say this is not possible.  Alzheimer's (and pretty much other types of dementia)is a progressive disease.

"You deserve to take time to enjoy the fact that your mom has moments of  'normalcy'.However, care giving needs can change quickly. It would be wise to give yourself a deadline to begin researching the next step in her care. I'd suggest that you go online to your state website and type "aging" in the search box. By doing so, you'll be led to many resources that your state provides. This process will help you develop a plan for your mom's future care."

4: I keep putting off making an appointment for my physical and my mammogram because Mom has so many medical appointments. This is time consuming, and I get tired of sitting in hospitals and doctor's offices,

"This is your time to take care of yourself. Your mom has professionals looking after her most of the time. Yes, you take her to medical appointments, but you still need to make time for your own. As I mentioned above, care needs can change quickly. Use this time to get caught up on your own care – physical and mental. If you do this, you'll feel more prepared for changes in your mom's care needs.
Now, it's time to write out your own lists. Delete the suggestions above that don't apply to you and then add your own take on things. Maybe you'll only have one or two negative areas that could use improvement. Maybe you won't have any. It's still a good exercise to think about your routine from time to time in case you can upgrade your own quality of life and maybe even that of your care receiver. What better time to do this than spring?"

Sometimes not sleeping

Sitting here at 1:22 AM listening to my mom talk nonsense in her bedroom. Was awakened by her about an hour ago. She was walking up and down the hallway talking gibberish and I got her back in in bed and she quietened down for a while. Now she's talking again. Don't know why some nights she doesn't sleep and meds have almost no effect on her. A pill that would knock me out for a few hours rolls of her like water off a ducks back. I don't know what phase of her disease she is in. She saw the doctor a week ago and her blood work was fine except for low vitamin D. She is losing more cognitive skills though. He prescribed an patch for her to wear but she pulls them off and we find them stuck to various things around the house. No help there. This disease is brutal and sometimes I find myself praying that God will take her and then crying because I don't want to lose my mother. What a sad mess. I wonder how many other care givers around the globe are feeling the same way tonight and every night.

Healing is Progressing

One week after surgery

One and a half weeks after surgery

Things are looking good on the broken leg front. Healing is moving along nicely. They still don't know why it broke. All the tests came back good. The best was no new cancer found! No osteoporosis either. They put a titanium rod from knee to ankle so it should be stable. They think a possible reason is because it looked like the bone was not used much and deteriorated and broke. The cause for that could be that he has no triceps muscle and just too much pressure put on it without the help of the muscle to cushion the pressure made it weak. The other reason could have been what Dr.   Williams said..."you're just an ornery old man".
;-)
On the other fronts my mom is doing okay. She is having more moments when she doesn't know exactly who I am and sometimes she gets sad and cries because she misses her mother. Her mother died about 67 years ago but I guess in her mind not that much time has passed. She is eating though and still likes to spend time outside. It's take one day or one minute at a time with her. We keep her clean and comfortable. We try to talk with her but she's taken to talking to herself more and more, even when you are sitting beside her.

Two weeks after surgery

Two weeks after surgery, exercising with elastic band

So we just roll with the punches. I'm okay and try and take things as they come. I will say that without our granddaughter living with us I would most likely have collapsed of exhaustion by now but she has helped me bear the load and it helps, it helps. Our family is strong though and they help in any way they can and so do our friends. Nice.

It's always something

It's been a crazy busy four days. Busy with lots of hurry up and wait times. You see my husband broke his left tibia in two. The break is just below his knee. He had surgery twice before  on that leg, the first one because of a cancerous tumor, the second one because he broke the rod they put in it to give it strength. He also had a hairline fracture of his tibia that didn't require surgery.  So we are now in the waiting room waiting for them to give us the news on how it went. Thankfully we have great family support and great support from some terrific friends, and you know who you are. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers please because it's going to be long rehab for him.  I'll keep you posted on his progress.

Happy 2013!

Happy 2013 to everyone, may it be a good year for each of you. In the new year I would like some rain, enough to bust this pesky, persistent drought. I would also like it to be a healthy and prosperous one for our kids and grand kids and well...everyone.  For me I would like to find more compassion for others and to feel grateful for all that I have and not moan about what I don't have.

December Entry

 

It's December and things are going along, bumpy, but okay. My little mom has a few more delusions than before but she still enjoys eating popcicle, sitting outside and feeling the sunshine on her face, and getting hugs. Not the mom who raised my brother and me but still mom. I wonder why this terrible disease has been visited on her and thousands of others but no answer to that ever comes. We just have to deal with it minute by minute. We plan to go to our sons on Christmas Day and they are good hosts so I know we'll have a nice time.
I'm posting a few pictures that Cyndi took of books that were donated to her classroom by family and some unknown donors. The Special Ed kids she teaches will enjoy them as will others who come after them. They were donated in honor of Frank's sister Liz, aka Virginia Elizabeth Carr, who was much loved by the family.
Many thanks to Cherly, Evie, and the others who donated.